Okay ... it started like this

Almost three weeks ago—on August 4th—I flew to SD to visit The Mag, go to a couple meetings, and then make a quick return to the good life.
My dad, Kemper, was going to Vegas, Baby! for the shoe show on the same day, and we worked it out so we could sit together inside a pressurized metal tube and get shot over to Denver, before parting ways. We talked about news, golf, the increasing population of the world's idiots, and other shit.









When I got to SD, I jumped into a borrowed LeSabre and headed up to The Mag office in Solana Beach. On the way, I was surprised (for maybe the two hundredth time) by the sight of this temple or church or whatever, constructed by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints or, as they're sometimes referred to, The Mormons. It's gotta be like ten years old by now, it's fricking enormous, and it appears to literally hang over onto the 5 freeway.
In an unprecedented move, the good folks of the LDS Church opened their doors to the people of SD after Castle Grayskull was initially finished, and gave tours of the impressive structure. Everyone was made to wear those paper/plastic shoe covers, gloves, and do-bags (like the dudes and dude-ettes wear in CD factories) through the entire walk-through.
When the month was over, the doors were forever closed to non-believers, and tens of thousands of square feet of white carpet was unceremoniously ripped up and replaced so that the floor of this Fortress of Solitude would never again be trodden upon by anyone but the enlightened. Stranger than fiction.

Though it may not appear to be so, Grant has never even heard of porn, let alone pored over a dirty magazine after a two-beer lunch. Why would you even say something like that?














Swift digs through one of the billions of cabinets of photographic archives that we have at our disposal at The Mag. It's some secret shit, I tell ya.
Why, just this file alone holds never-before-seen sequences of Danny Way's triple back flip over The Great Wall, the highest one-footed frontside slappy, and the world's loudest lien to tail.
Top drawer, kiddies.