Monday, July 07, 2008


As a kid, there was a short list of things I wanted to be "When I grow up." For a long time I was really, really set on becoming a stand up comic - Steve Martin was my idol and MTV's Half Hour Comedy Hour provided me with countless afternoons of bad joke bliss delivered by young Jon Stewarts, Pauly Shores, and pre-steroid Carrot Tops.

I also entertained the idea of becoming a Catholic Priest. I thought it was neat that priests got to wear costumes all the time and hear everybody's secrets - plus they had that direct magic phone line to God during Confession. God would tell them exactly how many "Hail Marys" and "Our Fathers" I was required to say as penance for my sins. That's how it worked - First, I tell the priest "I'm sorry" for saying the Lords name in vain, or something, and God kinda listens in on the convo. Next, the priest fills God in on the details. Then God thinks for a second or two, tells the priest whats up, and the priest tells me my penance. Cool.

That was the main draw for me - If I became a priest I would get to hear all the bad crap everybody does and confer with God on the consequences. Sounded fun.

Eventually, the idea of becoming a stand-up comedian or a Catholic Priest faded into nothingness. I'm pretty sure it was due to the fact that at age 13 I saw that movie Punchline, starring Tom Hanks (scary depressing). That, combined with the heavy doses of shame that can only come with monthly pubescent-era Catholic Reconciliation, pretty much crossed the two occupations off my Top 10 "When i grow up" list.


In related news
; A very silly man, posing as a Catholic Priest, attempted to hear Confessions at the Vatican this past weekend.

Way to stick to your childhood dreams brother. You are an inspiration.

1 comment:

nacho_supreme said...

You know how on Saturdays, during those hours where people do laundry or wallow in their weekend hangovers, some really amazing, cozy, 80's, nap-inducing movie comes on TBS or your local Fox affiliate? Shit like "Throw Momma From the Train" that totally sucks but also effectively distracts you from doing what you planned to do around the house that day?

For a while, Martha and I would predict, if not the movie itself, at least who would be in it as the opening credits began to roll. One Saturday in April, I had an inkling Tom Hanks would entertain us. And I was right. Tom Hanks, John Goodman, Sally Fields, Candice Cameron, et. all, in PUNCHLINE! It was one glorious afternoon.

We need to coin a name for that genre of movie...